PATHETIC

sometimes, you people are pathetically bastards!

outburst

okay, being cognitively impaired and disturbed.. i can’t concentrate. having finished my first exam of the 2 papers, i should be glad and happy. but, deep down.. i knew i’m not. i’m trying to avoid. all the time.

what could be worst than waking up in the morning after the paper, then one.. only that ONE question in the exam paper that emerge in my brain. i knew something is wrong. confirmed.. it’s a wrong answer! what the hell of a great thing to start the day off with.

what could be worst than being rejected; even when you’ve heard rumours about it, no matter what, you still carry the hope that it isn’t true. but, disappointing ways to tell you that it is the fact!

“if you don’t really put a high hope on getting it, you won’t be too upset about it”
hope? not to deny, i do put some hope to it cos it’ll somehow helps to prevent my hairs from getting grey and prevent wrinkles on my forehead. otherwise, i wouldn’t have to take all the troubles preparing for it.
and yes, i have a high self-esteem. and sometimes, losing is  bad. especially when i found out that i have to lost to someone whom i knew is no better than me. i fell badly; it hurts.

i knew the people around me cares. but when it comes to that issue, caring suddenly turns evil and i get so fed up of answering the same thing to everyone. i knew you guys care but i don’t have a definite answer for you and; I myself doesn’t know exactly what is it going to be. it’s misty ahead.. someone please shone the light on me

aware? not really

the old habit hasn’t change and it’s disheartening; to both yourself, and the people around you. how many people can be so determine to change and be successful in it. no matter how hard i try to make it better; it doesn’t seems to improve. is it my problem or is it not?

every time when such things happen, you tend to avoid; not talking, not bothering, pretend nothing has happened. you know it’s not the right away to deal with it. being cold will only makes the ice harder.. and you know that. you never wants to talk about it and you feel you’re the one who should be pampered. it’s selfish and you know that. aware and trying to make a difference; but when the same thing tends to happen, it jumps right back on the native way..

is there any other way?

when..

here again, i’m standing in front of two roads diverging into the bushes.

it’s doubtful, it’s confusing, it gives me insomnia.

i remembered.. 4 years back, i’m in the same situation.

overlooking these two uncertainties..i really don’t know what to do.

somebody, please help me..