6/7 stint

ipod playing Always Be My Baby by David Cook..

6 days.. 57 hours.. 3420 minutes worth of my one week holiday was given to pharmacy. That’s half of my holidays! Finally! Probably not having worked intensely for rotation was a contributing factor to the slacking movements. 5 weekdays were hectic and by the time i’m at home..i’m pretty much drained. It’s always tiring to work in the city cos it’s always busy and there’s always things for me to do. Advantage? DEDUCT another 54 hours from my 500hours plss.. ;p and now, i’m 42.5 hours to completion. can’t wait :) it’s quite devastating to see myself waking up early in the morning, shivering from cold and have to get ready for work when my housemates were snucked in the warmth of their blankets..still snoring. 

it’s sunday morning..wee hours in the morning 0217. i can see steam coming out from my mouth when i talked…just got back not long ago from a friend’s surprise bday party. i pretty much laughed till stomach cramps. putting a great dot to the end of the 6/7 stint.

better get some sleep now cos later.. i have a lot of things to do :)

super agreeable?

Analysing by WWHAM as we, the future pharmacists, always does…

Who? Me, myself and I

What are the symptoms? Saying “Yes” to whatever i’ve been asked…job wise, favour wise, etc

How long have you had it? Might have it since last time, but got worst since working in the pharmacy

What action has been taken? Try to say “No” but usually ends up doing it anyway cos of fear that it might jeopardise work/reputation

What other medications/medical condition: After doing the things that I’m not willing to.. ends up having devil and angel quarelling on top of my head..schizophrenia mann…

 

Having said that, it really headache to see myself saying “Yes” to whatever favour that I was being asked to do. Putting myself in the “Super Agreeable” shoes.. I don’t see myself as being not confident. I know what i’m doing and i can make my own decisions. I don’t wanna be liked just because I always do what is being told to. I wanna stand for my principles and care lesser about other people. 

I was told, “You’re just at a 6º angle from the people around you”.. hell yeah, i think the pharmacists circle is way smaller than a 6º angle. Everyone knows someone that you end up knowing someday. Just a matter of time. There’s always fear that if i dont do as told, I would end up with negative remarks.  BUT.. i definitely doesn’t wanna be a “Super Agreeable”.

“Defend yourself if you think you’re right”, that’s what i’ve been told by the other pharmacist. Then i realised, I don’t wanna just be an ordinary pharmacist who just hides behind the dispensary dispensing all the scripts. If i wanna be one pharmacist, I wanna be damn good in it. Of cos, that wouldn’t be achievable in a day or two. I know I need to catch up on a lot of stuffs. Hopefully, that wouldn’t be too late. BUT first, I guess I need to find the so-called passion. I know i’ll find you 

 

 

 

what i had left to give?

when you realised that

everyone around you wants something from you..

and you realised that 

you have nothing left to give..

it’s cheerless

inquisitions

life is full of stories

how much u can tell in a minute or two?

facing inquisitions?

i was held back 

and i realised… i have no definite answers to a lot of them

 

there’s always things that you just can’t define.. 

sometimes i dont know how to answer

sometimes i dont know what’s the answer

most of the time i dont know why i’m being asked

 

:)

tough times

this is the first round of the tough times in the year. exams season again. and worst still.. no study break at all. honestly, it doesn’t really seems like the finals for this short semester cos i wasn’t studying at all before this ;p padan muka uh.. well..luckily the oral exam went well yesterday. that gruelling 10minutes waiting time outside the exam room was torturing. heart racing like f1 and body shaking like i’ve got hypothermia. and honestly, 12 minutes were damn short and all the questions just slapped onto my face and with no time to think or consider which is the best treatment, i just jerked out everything. when the stopwatch goes off..krrriiinnnngggg.. that’s the worst noise i’ve ever heard. then the examiners smiled and offered me a minty. is that a good/bad sign? but yeah, i was lucky to have finished all the questions. now..the next one is next wednesday. trying to tell myself i don’t have a lot of time now and force myself to stick my butt to the chair making myself prone to pressure ulcers. pray hard everything will goes well.. then i’ll have nice 2 weeks off. 

hopefully that blaarrrddyy swine flu goes into remission..ok, gooooooddd swine.. pls goes into remission. cos i want my family here in the week off. i miss them…a lot! (: loves ya

 …okay, signing off to get pressure ulcers ;p

 

 

Miss being irresponsible

Honestly, I’m really glad tht TEN weeks of the first rotation finally ends…
And a friend actually reminded me.. I really really miss being irresponsible. The feeling of not having to worry what’s happening and what we’re doing will affect others. And.. Indeed the responsibility I’m carrying on my shoulder now is huge and.. it’s pressurizing. Having to worry what I’ve said may affect others and what I did may jeopardize someone’s wellbeing. Sometimes, you can’t sleep at night cos you know you might have made a mistake tht day. initially I don’t really believe this when mike told me, but yeah.. I agree to it now cos I really can’t sleep at some nights. But, I was reassured tht it’s part of the learning stages which I can’t escape. Rmb.. An accumulation of mistakes is experience.

As I’ve mentioned in the previous, there are also some tht really pissed me off. Frankly, at times, I don’t really give a damn if u r overdosed of panadeine extra!! You think I like to ask you those nerdy questions. And those phrases tht I’ve repeated a thousand times a day.. I prayed I wouldn’t repeat tht in my dreams..

Somehow, I still like the part where ppl really appreciate what I’ve done to optimize their therapy and .. mostly, their wallet. The satisfaction of being appreciated is enormous. And.. This is where I get it from.. Unfortunately (;